Thrice Defied, Thrice Denied
by xxvisionaryxx
Summary: This is the story of how the Potters defied Voldemort three times, and how Voldemort was denied three times. It is also the story of Severus' heart wrenching decision to become a spy for Dumbledore, his betrayal of Lily, and his need for redepmtion. R
1. Chapter 1

_**Thrice Defiant, Thrice Denied**_

Severus Snape stood at the edge of Fallow Manor, completely invisible to the naked eye under his Disillusionment Charm. With tears slipping down his cheeks, he observed the pretty redhead and her black-haired husband flee the house. He watched in dismay as the woman tripped, she was unable to stop herself from falling because that would mean dropping the baby that she was holding in her arms. The man with the mop of messy black hair managed to catch her on time though and she and the baby were saved.

Severus watched with a mixture of relief and fear as the woman and her husband escaped their burning house. He knew that they had escaped for now, but there were more horrors to come. He sighed, wishing that he had a choice in whom his victims were. Wishing that he hadn't been given the task of killing Lily Evans. He refused to think of her as Lily Potter, though she had been married for more than a year now.

Lily was sobbing and clutching her baby as though it was her life, her soul. She was right to fear for her soul, because what was coming next would put just that in jeopardy. For now though though, Lily was oblivious, "That's the second house James!" She cried, in between trying to quiet her baby's sobs, "That's the second house he's burnt down, I won't have him taking my baby, James. I won't have him taking Harry." She sounded scared but there was just the slightest hint of defiance in her voice. You were always too bold Lily, always too bold, thought Severus.

"I know," James had his arm around her now in an attempt to comfort her. "I know, Lil. We'll find somewhere Dumbledore'll help us. C'mon we have to get out of here."

Severus gritted his teeth, he may care that Lily Evans was in danger but he didn't give a toss about James Potter. James had never inspired any cordial feelings in Severus and the fact that Lily had chosen him over Severus had deepened the hatred further. James was right though, they did need to move, or the Dementors would get them.

"Let's go," James tugged on Lily's arm, and that was when it all happened. Harry burst into tears, squirming in his mother's arms. The air around them seemed to go cold, hung with tension. James pulled out his wand, he knew what was coming, "Expecto Patronum!"

A stag erupted from the tip of James' wand, keeping the now advancing dark shadows at bay. There were lots of them though and soon they would break through the stags protection. Lily needed to add her spell, and quickly.

James spun, looking at Lily in a state of panic, willing her to conjure up her Patronus. She seemed to be in her own world though, vivid green eyes wide open, staring into nothingness. There was nothing for it, James leaned over and pinched her hard, jerking her out of her reverie.

It was only then that she seemed to register what was going on around her, "Expecto Patronum!" she said, her voice was a panicky croak. It wasn't strong enough, the stag was beginning to be obscured by the shadowy figures, the rattling sound of their breath was now audible.

Again Lily tried to cast her spell, as Severus watched on in horror. In the moments before she spoke he sent out a prayer to whatever gods there are in this world to keep her safe. "Expecto Patronum!" this time her voice was stronger and a brilliant doe sprung from the tip of her wand.

Severus watched in awe as the peaceful creature went to go stand by the stag, gently nudging away the Dementors, protecting, but not intimidating. The doe hadn't always been her Patronus, it had used to be a glorious Swan that would sail out and send back its enemies. The doe though, it was a perfect metaphor for Lily's life, she was the doe, peaceful, caring and mothering. Lily could find a good quality in everyone and she had a certain reverence for human life that Severus had never been able to fathom. It made sense then, that her Patronus, the doe, was unwilling even to scare a Dementor.

Severus turned his head to once more focus upon the couple. James now had the shocked Lily in his grasp and was preparing to disapparate. Then with a faint pop the Potters disappeared from Fallow Manor. Driven from their home of two month by the Dark Lord's servants, by him. Unconsciously Severus rubbed the mark on his left arm, as though trying to get rid of it.

Their Patronuses lingered though the Potters were gone, radiating light and Severus realised with a start that the doe was heading towards him. With a sinking stomach he realised that Patronuses must be able to sense where things were, even if they were Disillusioned. Severus braced himself, he had no idea whether these strange beings made all of soul and dreams would be able to harm him, but he had decided that if he had to hurt Lily Evans he would not touch her Patronus.

The doe was very close to him now, the stag cantering along behind in a protective manner. Just as James followed Lily, Severus thought, envying the other man. Then the doe was upon him, leaning in towards him it gently nudged his knee. Then it turned and just like that, it and the stag were gone.

Severus was reeling. Everyone and everything had left, left him to contemplate what a misery his life was. What was he doing, trying to kill off the one thing that was precious to him? Yet, if he didn't do it, he would die.

He might die for failing this though, for failing to kill the Potter's for the second time. And then, life might not be worth living without Lily. He never spoke to her these days, but just the thought of her made him feel warm inside, she was his reason for life, his oxygen.

Severus got up and scurried down the street. His mind was racing, the spot where the doe had nudged him seemed to burn. He wanted to go somewhere he could just be alone and think, but even now his sense of self preservation was strong. He knew that if he wanted to live he would have to report to Lord Voldemort within the next half hour.

He strode down several streets, rubbing his knee where the doe had touched it at times, as though it was an unpleasant itch. Once he deemed himself to be far enough from the Fallow's Manor, he removed his disillusionment charm.

That done he turned into a deserted alleyway, looking around furtively to make sure that he wasn't being watched. Then with one last swish of his black cloak, Severus Snape was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Yay! I'm close to updating all my stories, which is good because school starts soon and I probably won't be able to do much then. Anyway this chapter is a little choppy, I couldn't seem to get much of a flow happening.

Please review, it encourages me to get new chapters up faster. Thanks for reading.

**I don't own this. JK Rowling does.**

**A meeting with Lord Voldemort**

Severus stood absolutely still, dread in his heart, waiting for that high, cold voice to fill the air around him. He braced himself for it, determined not to show his weakness through an involuntary shudder.

"I hope you come to me with good news, Snape," there it was. The voice of Lord Voldemort addressed him. It contained just the slightest hint of sarcasm, as though he thought Severus incapable of bringing good news. Severus managed to repress the shudder that was every second threatening to ripple through his shoulder blades. He had no idea why he had signed up for this. Being a Death Eater was no laugh riot. Perhaps he had just been that desperate to belong somewhere, to fit in.

Once he had composed himself Severus spoke, "No my Lord, I have no good news. Lily and James Potter managed to escape my trap at the last minute," he kept his head lowered as he delivered this news to Voldemort. He hoped that it looked like he was just being humble and obedient. The real reason for it was that it was easier for him to guard his mind from the Dark Lord when he didn't have to look at those probing red eyes.

"Look at me Severus," Voldemort hissed. So apparently his ruse hadn't worked.

He immediately snapped his head up. He knew that obeying Voldemort was the only thing that he could do in this situation. Making sure that his mind was carefully guarded and cleared of all thoughts that would be considered treasonous, Severus looked up and met the eyes of the man he had sworn to serve.

He kept his black eyes on Voldemort's red ones, even though he had to stop himself from flinching every second that he held that gaze. He made sure that he looked unfazed, that nothing could be read into his expression. His strength at legilimency had saved his life on several occasions. He had only slipped up once, but that had not been a fatal mistake, at least not for him.

He wrenched his mind away from Lily, after all that was how he had gotten himself into this mess in the first place and focused on the tree behind Voldemort. It was probably a beautiful tree by day, big and grand, but in the shadows it just looked ominous. The branches stretched high overhead, surrounding the clearing. It made Severus feel like he was caged, and it couldn't be a good thing to be stuck in a cage with Lord Voldemort. He was more dangerous than anything Severus could think of.

Severus blinked; there was something beyond the tree. Something glowing. He stared trying to work out what it was. It was approaching fast now and Severus could see that it was a patronus. He gasped in horror as he saw the Doe approaching, then cursed himself. It seemed that anything Lily-related made him forget where he was.

Severus ture-focused his eyes on Voldemort's trying to cover up his lapse of attention. That was his mistake. The Dark Lord cut through into his unguarded mind in that instant and the clearing was almost immediately filled with his angry shouts. Severus bit his lip and wondered just what Voldemort had seen in his mind. He'd been thinking about Lily and the way the doe had nudged him…If Voldemort had seen that then he would know that Severus wasn't putting his heart and soul into killing the Potters. And if Voldemort knew that, then Severus was a dead man walking. He guessed that this was the case, given the incohernt shouting that was coming from the normally articulate Dark Lord.

Finally the shrieking came to an end and Voldemort surveyed him with cold eyes. "I should kill you right here, you worthless half-blood," that was the best insult that Voldemort could think up. Severus nearly snorted, but stopped himself in the nick of time. He was shocked at how reckless he felt. How recklessly he was behaving.

"Give me another chance my Lord," the words were smoothly delivered and Voldemort paused for a second, his wand half-raised. "I can put my feelings aside and finish the job this time," Severus sounded perfectly sincere, he almost believed himself. He knew it wasn't true though, he knew that he would never be able to put aside his feelings for Lily Evans.

Voldemort had lowered his arm. It appeared that he had bought the lie. In the recesses of his mind Severus felt vaguely smug about the fact that he had successfully lied to the Dark Lord. He had lied to the most accomplished Legilimens in history.

Voldemort was speaking again and Severus forced himself to listen, "I see that you are not traitorous, Snape. Merely incompetent. Perhaps your judgement is clouded when you get near the girl, causing your inability to do the job Whatever the problem, it is not your fault. It is _hers, _I should have expected nothing more from a mudblood, a piece of filth."

Severus could not help the shock from registering on his face. I fell in love with Lily and he's blaming _her_? Severus forced his features to compose themselves with difficulty. It was only in that moment that he understood just how twisted Tom Riddle had allowed himself to become.

"No, I do not hold you accountable for this, Snape. I've let this go on far too long. It's time I took out that Mudblood temptress and her family myself," Severus felt horror fill him. Lily was going to die, Voldemort was going to take her away from him.

The pain was almost too much, it rose up to engulf him. He didn't trust his voice, he knew that it would give his feelings away, so he just nodded curtly at these words. The prophecy would be fulfilled, Voldemort would face off with the Potters' young son. The boy whose eyes were so like Lily's. Severus had no doubt that Voldemort would win.

It was hopeless. No-one survived once Voldemort had marked them out for death. He was far worse than the Grim. Severus could feel his breathing coming faster and shallower as the panic set in, it was like Lily was his oxygen and he knew she would be gone soon. He needed to get out, before Voldemort noticed that something was wrong.

"You can go, Snape," Voldemort sneered at him, "Unless you adore me so much that you would like to follow me for the rest of your life? Don't worry I'll take care of Lily Evans." He said it in a reassuring tone, as though he was allaying Severus' greatest fears rather than contributing to them. Severus hated the way he said her name, it was like he was spitting rather than speaking. He thought it must be something you picked up after speaking Parseltongue for the better part of thirty years.

Once again, Severus' voice was not up to the task. Hi throat seemed to have knotted itself into one giant entanglement of misery. He swallowed repetitively trying to get rid of it so that he could take his leave of the Dark Lord. Eventually he gave up, turning on his heel he disapparated. As he left that clearing he knew there was only one thing he could do to ward off the misery that was pressing at his body from every direction. He had to save the Potters.


End file.
